Weight Watchers Update

Weight Watchers, a Balanced Approach

In my last post I expressed my need for a Sane approach to eating, and also posted that I thought Weight Watchers might fit the bill.  Well, I've been on Weight Watchers now for a little over 3 months, and I have to say that I feel more relaxed and "sane" about food then I have in years.  In the past, whether I was "on a diet" or "off my diet", I felt stressed, anxious, frustrated, or just obsessed about food.

On Past Diets and Plans

See, in the past, no matter what diet I was on, or how healthy it might be,  it was always extreme in some way.  South Beach Diet was the least extreme, and the one I did best on, but even with it there were lists of foods you were never to have while on that plan.  I also tried Atkins, again extreme, with lists of foods you can't have. Veganism, whole food groups cut out.  Medifast, here eat nothing but freeze dried fake food, and one real meal each day, but make sure that real meal doesn't have a hint of starch or sugar, and that its low in fat too!  Calorie counting, going a few calories over meant I was "Off my diet", so I might as well enjoy it.  Everything I tried set up a situation where I couldn't have this or that, and if I did, I wasn't "On" the plan that day.

Measuring, counting, logging, or cooking occupied my mind every waking minute.  If I was calorie counting, and I had even a healthy item that put me over my count for the day (like one too many oranges), I'd feel like a failure and be tempted to just quit.  Eventually I would quit, and then I'd go to my "not dieting" eating pattern.

Past times not dieting

The times when I wasn't trying were no saner.  I might not have had a list of "No" foods, but I also had NO restraint or control.  Pizza one day, McDonalds the next, Ice Cream for desert, a big bowl of buttered popcorn while I watched a movie, and candy bar when I went through the checkout line. I have to enjoy myself because I know that next week I'll be starting the diet, or "health plan".  Only when next week got there I would put off for one more week. All the while I'd be suffering from guilt and shame about what I was doing.  I was not happy or at peace at all.

Why Weight Watchers is different.

Weight Watchers is different for many reasons.  First, there is so much flexibility built into the program, no food is strictly off limits.  You have a bank of optional weekly points to go to if you want something that wouldn't fit within your daily points.  And you can "save" up to 4 points each day to add to that weekly bank of points.  What this means, is if I have a day where I eat a little more than usual, I'm not "Off Plan", I'm just using my weeklies.  Second, there are so many foods I don't have to even log, fruits, vegetables, baked chicken breast, eggs, beans, lentils, and plain fat free yogurt are all zero points and logging them is optional.  So I no longer have to feel like eating an orange puts me off plan, and I no longer have to measure literally every item I eat.  Third, weight watchers is different in that it is teaching me how to use moderation with those foods that I really do need use moderation with.  Sure, I can have ice cream, but I do need to watch how much.  I also can have more if its an ice cream with protein in it like "Halo Top"  I can eat bread, but its probably not a great idea to eat 5 rolls in one meal.  I can have wine, but I probably shouldn't have wine if I've already had Ice Cream twice that day.  I need to pick my indulgence.  I think those are the main things that make Weight Watchers different.  I can honestly see myself eating like this for the rest of my life.

Yes, I can honestly see myself eating like this for the rest of my life, and that's what I need. 

I mean, if you are someone who doesn't have a lifelong struggle with eating disorders and weight trouble, for instance if you typically have healthy eating habits but just gained a little weight over the holidays or while you were pregnant, then a simple diet might be fine for you. You might be able to cut out all sugar and simple carbs for a time, and then go back to your regular eating.  A 30 day eating challenge, or a 90 day Fitness program might be just what you need.  But if you are like me, and you don't have a "normal" eating pattern to go back to... then you need something permanent, no 30 day or 90 day plan is going to help you if, once its over, you are back to buying to candy bars every time you go through a check out lane, or back to eating fast food every week, or to simply overeating in general.  

So if you find that you are in the same boat as me, and really, really, need an approach that is not extreme, and does not require you to completely give up every food you enjoy.  If you are looking for an approach that teaches you HOW to eat, instead of how to diet, may I suggest giving weight watchers a try?

I'm losing weight too.

Oh yeah, in addition to being more relaxed and not so obsessed about food.  The past three months have shown on the scale too, in the last three months I've lost 17.4 pounds, which brings me to a loss of 28.5 pounds this year, and down 33.4 pounds from my highest weight.  Now, it isn't always as fast as I'd like, but its working, and I'm not having to stress or deny myself everything I like or go hungry.

***************************************

Check out my artwork!

Seeking Sanity

Practicing Insanity

The definition of insanity

Most likely you have heard before that the definition of madness is to keep doing the same thing over and over, while thinking that this time, you'll get different results.

photo courtesy of diaan11 at pixabay.com

Well, during the last two weeks I've started getting the feeling that hopping right back on the calorie counting wagon would be literally practicing insanity. I mean, I have tried it over and over again, and each time, eventually I burn out.  I get tired of measuring, counting, logging, every single thing I eat.  Sometimes I've managed to hold out over a year, other times a few months, and sometimes I've not even made it a week before giving up.  So I really was not surprised at all when I started to lapse on my calorie log here and there, to "just have that now, and I'll log it later",  only to find that in a short time I've had so many little somethings that I can't possibly remember everything in order to log it.

Sometimes, I would do the best I could to recreate the log after the fact, other times I would fall into my "all or nothing" mindset and figure since I'd blown it I might as well eat all I wanted and restart tomorrow.

Now, don't get me wrong, the past two weeks haven't been disastrous, diet-wise.  I've actually done pretty well, there was a slight rebound of weight before I even started to struggle, and after that it basically leveled off.  That is normal when someone loses a whole bunch in the first couple of weeks of a diet, the weight often rebounds back a few pounds in week two, three, or four.  Today I weighed in at 271, which is 2.8 pounds less than I was two weeks ago, the last time I reported my weight. It also puts me 20 pounds less than my highest weight, and over 15 pounds lost in 2018.  However, even though I haven't done too badly, I see myself heading in that direction with my behaviors and mindset, and it concerns me.

Obsessing over food

In addition to struggling to count and log, I also notice that if I have a day when I perhaps eat more than I usually do at lunch, I spend the rest of my day obsessing.  Worrying that I'll go over or that I'll spend the evening hungry and not allowed to eat anything.  All of this obsessing does me no good, if anything obsessively thinking about food just makes me want to EAT ALL THE FOOD!

Graphic courtesy of
Clker-Free-Vector-Images
 from pixabay.com

This has made me think that surely, there must be a better approach, some way to learn to just eat normally.  A way that if I have a large lunch one day, I can still eat a normal dinner if I'm hungry again later without feeling like I've blown it.

Previous reaches for sanity

Of course this isn't the first time I've tried to find a more natural, normal, sane way of eating. I've tried Weigh Down Workshop, a program that teaches you to listen to your body, and never to eat even one bite if you aren't feeling clear signals of physical hunger coming from your body, and to stop eating the moment your body is satisfied enough to stop sending those signals.  That program worked somewhat, but didn't allow for any kind of tracking and even discourages you from refraining to eat something you want because its high in fat or sugar.  The attitude is very much that if you are physically hungry, you should always satisfy that hunger with whatever you are craving and not really give any thought to the nutrient content of the food.  That program was also a little inflexible about ever eating when you are not hungry, and there are times when you need to. For example, if you start work at 8:00 in the morning, and don't get a chance for lunch break until 1:00, and you know you are going to be ravenous by 1:00, I think its acceptable to eat breakfast before work, even if your stomach is not growling with hunger.  There were other things about that program that were of concern to me, but suffice it to say it just wasn't a great fit for me.

I've also tried go the route of reducing carbs, but being allowed to eat whenever I wanted as long as it wasn't high in carbohydrates, this worked pretty good for a while, but eventually I craved carbohydrates, I wanted to eat a darn orange or a peace of bread!

I also tried veganism, I didn't lose any weight.  There are lots of fattening vegan foods, even Twinkies are vegan. 

I've tried to out-exercise my appetite, that actually worked as long as I could carve out 1 1/2 to 2 hours for intense exercise every single day, but how sustainable is that plan? Not sustainable at all really.

In addition to these, I've tried South Beach diet (most successful diet I was ever on, but I didn't sustain the loss on that one either), and Medifast, the diet that made me want someone to shoot me so I wouldn't have to eat another freeze dried "meal".

What I need

All of this got me to thinking, I need a program that teaches me how to eat normally, but that doesn't expect me to already know how. I know I'm a compulsive over eater, who eats for all kinds of reasons besides physical hunger.  Trying to just eat healthier, or just to stop when I'm satisfied, doesn't work for me right now.  I want to learn how, but I can't go from completely disordered eating to intuitive healthy eating in one giant leap, I need structured steps to get me there.

So I started researching for some plan that provided those steps, with enough structure so that I might actually lose weight.

As I researched, I told myself that whatever I found had to be something I could keep doing all my life if I wanted the weight loss to be permanent, I decided that I shouldn't do anything to lose the weight that I can't feasibly see myself keeping up for the rest of life.

What I found

What I found was Weight Watchers.  There is enough structure in the points system to keep me from sitting down and eating half a pizza, but enough freedom to go ahead and have a couple of slices once in a while.

There are enough zero point foods, that if I do eat a little more at one meal, I can still have something to eat later, so I don't have to obsess over not being able to have dinner, and I really have no justification in thinking I might as well just give up and start again tomorrow.  I can just finish out the day on zero point foods, such as skinless chicken breast, any vegetables I want, and some fruit, and the next day my points renew again.  I also have a bank of "weekly" points that are optional, to be used if need them. So really, I should never really have to feel like I've messed up so bad I might as well throw in the towel.

However, these zero points foods are not really "free foods", we are encouraged to be mindful of how much we are consuming, and to stop and check our hunger signals every now and then.  To ask ourselves, "Do I need more, or do I just want it because I can have it?" The theory is that no one is going to sit and eat 18 oz of chicken breast, it is so filling, that even a compulsive over eater will probably turn away.  The same goes for the other zero point foods, they are "low risk" foods, not what people tend to binge on. Even if a person was to sit down and eat 18 oz of baked chicken breast, they are going to feel so full with all that protein, that it isn't likely they'll turn and eat something else afterward, and that 18 oz of chicken is 504 calories, not a lot when you think of how long you'd be full afterward.

The "higher risk" foods all have point values that need to be tracked and counted, but if you go a little over you have a bank of optional points to draw from.

The focus is all about mindset thinking about food differently, but with enough structure given to act as "training wheels" while you are learning. It gives enough freedom to actually learn, but not enough to easily crash. Basically, it gives you the support and helping hand you need to make it.

Courtesy of Tumisu, pixabay.com

I'm pretty sure its just what I need.  So a couple of days ago I signed up, and tonight was my first meeting. 

Not just about food though

I know I have a lot of work to do to learn how to eat normally. I know I'll need to really deal with the emotional reasons I eat.  I may need to seek treatment for my PTSD.  I know that being sexually abused by one person before I was old enough to go to kindergarten, and then continually abused for many years thereafter by another, and finally being raped at 14 by another has a lot to do with why I developed this unhealthy coping mechanism.  The experience having a flashback to being that preschool child begging to be allowed to get dressed, of feeling all those same feelings... that is quite often the thing that precipitates an eating binge.  I'll eat and eat until I'm numb and the feelings are deadened.  I know that I'll need to deal with all of this if I want to really succeed, but I think that Weight Watchers is going to help me on the physical side while I am healing on the mental, emotional, and spiritual level,



***************************************

Check out my artwork!