Sunday, April 2, 2017

Not Giving UP

I've Started Over So Many Times

I've lost weight before, and gained it back, and lost it again, and gained it back.  

Each time I've lost, I've felt great, but never quite got into what doctors would call a "healthy weight". In fact the last time I was anywhere near a healthy weight was in my early 20's, and now I'm 48.  

Each time I've regained, I managed to not gain it all back, until my last gain, where I reached a new high of 288 (my previous highest weight was 287, so I didn't go much over it, but still, I pushed that number up).

False Starts

I tried to start again on January 30th of this year, but over quickly lost steam and gained again. It wasn't really that I was hungry or the cravings were too strong, I just lost motivation. I don't really know why.   For whatever reason though, my weight as of last Sunday (March 26th), was 287.6 pounds.  

Motivation is Fleeting

It seems that motivation is a very fleeting thing. Its also a very necessary thing for weight loss.  How to keep it is the question. 

In the past working out really fueled my motivation.  I enjoyed seeing the progress I made, especially with strength training.

Unfortunately, a lot of my strength training is out of the question, I just can't do it because of an injury to my arm that doesn't ever seem to heal.  Doctors want to attribute it to my age, and say its just arthritis, but that is doubtful to me, because I was absolutely fine one day, lifted something wrong and felt a pull in a muscle, but no pain.  About 40 minutes later I extended my arm to do something, heard a loud and painful "pop", and haven't had full of use of the arm since then.  I might have arthritis in it now, more than a year after first injuring it, but it isn't "just" arthritis, something tore in my arm that day, a ligament or a tendon, something is no longer attached to the bone where it should be.  For every day tasks I've learned ways to compensate, using my left arm a lot more, using odd muscles to lift things with my right arm when I have to, making sure to never lift anything while my arm is extended out straight, and never to rotate my arm while it holds weight.  But for working out, how am I supposed to do planks, pushups, and free weights like this?

I guess I can still work out my lower my body and my core, maybe I should start focusing on that and cardio.

I Haven't Given Up

Despite all of my past failures, I haven't, and won't, give up.  I can't.  My health depends on my doing something about this, I don't want to step on the scale one day and see 300+ pounds.  I really don't want to die at a young age from a preventable heart attack.  I also don't want to suffer a stroke and either die or suffer permanent disability from it. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm a Christian and if God calls me home I will go, happy that my work here is done, but I want the reason to be because I am finished here, not because I ate too many bowls of ice cream or sat on the couch too much!

I actually got a slow restart last Monday, though so far I haven't been super consistent about logging everything I eat or about exercising daily, I have been watching what I'm eating and paying attention to portions, I've also taken a walk each day except one.

The result of those minimal efforts is that while last Sunday I weighed 287.6 pounds, this morning I weighed in at 283.2 pounds, a loss of 4.4 pounds.  That's not bad considering that on many days I only tracked my food through the first part of the day, and then stopped tracking, and considering that on the days I did track all day, there were three days where I went above the calorie limit I'd planned on.

Plan Moving Forward

I notice that for me, keeping track of what I do helps a lot.  So I am going to commit to keeping track on, I have an activity tracker that keeps record of my cardio.   I will check in on this blog 2-3 times each week to update goals and let readers know how I'm doing.

For the coming week my goals are to continue walking, and to track all my food.  I will also avoid sitting too long by paying attention to my vivofit move bar, it lets me know if I've been sitting too long, and doesn't reset until I've at least walked around for a few minutes.

During the ultimate blog challenge, I am blogging on three different blogs, so I will alternate each day which one I post on, so readers of this blog can expect to hear an update from me this Wednesday, since on Monday I'll post on my devotional blog and on Tuesday I'll post on my art blog.


I didn't really take an official "starting photo", and that is fine, because I am far less concerned with how I look than I am with my health.  I have actually reached a point where I feel fairly secure with my appearance even though I know I'm over weight.

While I don't have an official starting photo, I did have some photos taken last week during a painting class I taught, they give a pretty good idea of how I look.

There I am circled in red.

Here I am demonstrating the method of painting the blossoms in this painting.

Check out my artwork!